Game 12: Dallas at Boston OMG SEAN AVERY *DIES*


For whom this may concern, our fearless leader John, decided to spend his Halloween in a degenerate drunk state. So while he’s sobering up in his local police department drunk tank and crying over whether  his newly acquired police record is going to affect whatever employment offers he receives in the near future – you’re stuck with the new gal again. Now given that I’m suppose to give the ‘female perspective’ (whatever the hell that is), I felt this would be the perfect time to talk about one of my favorite people in hockey right now. Sean Avery. And by that I don’t plan on posting half naked pictures of him or using sentences like, “OMG! MY SEANY IS LYKE SOOOOOO HAWT!!! I LOVE HIM!!!!! “(Please you know you wouldn’t kick him out of bed, ladies!) Plus the timing is perfect considering the Dallas Stars are in town to play the Bruins tonight. Sean Avery, how do I love thee….let me count the ways.

First and for most, I’m jealous that homeboy got to intern at Vogue. As someone who worships the deity that is Anna Wintour and her apostle, Andrea Leon Talley, I can’t not help but love that he embraces fashion. I love his outspoken demeanor and honesty (in layman terms: he’s an asshole) and it’s even more proof that all girls secretly want a bad boy.

With that said, we’ve seen this routine before.  I know I have, but with a different athelete who played an entirely different sport. Now, unless there’s another stupid Canadian that wants to correct my calculations, about 15 years ago Dennis Rodman was doing the same thing. Granted, he got to bone Madonna – but Avery got Jack Bauer’s daughter and let’s face it, neither Madonna nor Elisha Cuthbert are vestal virgins or anything to turn your nose up at(although Madge has been looking pretty rough as of late).  But like Rodman, Avery was a decent player who changed his persona or character and got more attention. Rodman with the tattoos, piercings and cotton candy hair colors and Avery became the  bastard metrosexual fashionista who admitted to playing with dolls when he was a lad. The book cover might be different, but the story is the same.  Change equals fame.

Now, I don’t see any women falling from the ceiling incidents or him showing up in a wedding gown to a book signing (although, wouldn’t he look great in a skirt like Marc Jacobs?? *dies*) with Avery in the near future – but I’d to think whatever marketing team the NHL is working with would love take a meeting with him. His ideas aren’t that wild and they could make hockey better.

The Stars currently 4-5-2 and the fans have expressed their unhappiness with the slow start to the season and I don’t think you need to think for too long to figure out who they’re blaming the losing season on already. Dallas has given up five or more goals in six out of the 11 games they’ve played so far. You could see Marty Turco(3-4-2) in between the pipes tonight, giving Tobias Stephan, who had 27 saves last night in their 5-2 loss to the Blackhawks, a night off. As of right now, the Stars have their first losing record since 1993. So you know they’re coming in with something to prove.  They’re also coming in bruised and broken, two of their players are day to day and Sergei Zubov, Jere Lehtinen and Joel Lunddqvst are all out due to various injuries.

So in times like this, the Bruins have to be bastards and kick a man when he’s down. Sometimes you have to step on the little guy to get to the top. According to Fluto Shinwaza at the Globe, P.J. Axellson(who hasn’t scored in the last eight games) will be Patrice Bergeron’s left wing and Marco Sturm (who hasn’t scored in seven games and according Coach Claude Julie nothing is going right with Sturm)could be moved to the third line.  What is going to make the produce more goals and bring up production is fine by me. If it doesn’t work- change it up, but don’t sit on for too long if that’s the case. The Bruins are in no position to lose another game.  Tonight is the only time the two teams meet this season and so why not send them back to Dallas 4-6? Since we’re up to 666 words, I figured it was fitting to make some predictions.  I think the chances of Mark Stuart getting a point tonight are as good as him writing an interesting blog(I will however predict his first post will be his last one posted all season.). So basically, I’m he’s not going to do anything. The man is Boresville. Speaking of lack of production and personality, let’s talk about Zdeno Chara. Chara is 0-3-3 so far this season. Seriously? Are you even trying? I have a good feeling he’s going to score A goal in the next 5 days. If he doesn’t, I say the villagers get their pitchforks and fire and storm the castle, because that’s just ridiculous. And I’d rethink that whole ‘C’ thing, you should be leading by example and I don’t see a whole lotta leadership as of right now by Chara. Tim Thomas is back in the goal tonight and not counting the loss in Calgary, Thomas has been playing great.  

No previews this sides of the Mason Dixon just yet…..

There’s less Dallas Star blogs than pictures of Bigfoot. But the one I did find wanted to share thoughts on tonight’s game.

  – Cameron


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