Down There, In the Garden, I Keep My Shit Hidden Like Bin Laden

David Krejci is so crazy.  </i>How crazy is he?</i>  He's SO crazy, he thinks he just scored a goal.

David Krejci is so crazy. He thinks this counts as a goal!

Well, John is right.  I was biding my time (read: sleeping) before unleashing my thoughts about last night’s game upon the unsuspecting public.  I’ve also titled this post in such a way as to drive extra traffic to the site.  This is as political as The Jumbotron gets!  Well, I’ll link to this too.  But that’s it for the politics.

As a spectator, I can’t really ask for much more than that in a hockey game.  I’ll go on the record as being appreciative of the shootout during the regular season, and while it’s a disappointing loss, I can’t deny that it wasn’t an exciting one (double negative just made my head explode).  However, as a fan of the Bruins, this WAS a disappointing loss.  This is a severely depleted Penguins squad, featuring a backup goalie with a career save percentage under .900 and a sub-.500 record and the Bruins still couldn’t squeeze out a second point.  All credit to Dany Sabourin, Michel Therrien, and the rest of the Penguins, they played out of their minds, Sabourin, especially, but the Bruins should have wrapped this one up in regulation with the way they were playing.  Five shots in the 3rd?  Will anyone get this reference, if I make it?

But let’s take off the complainey pants and put on the thong of recapping, because this WAS a great experience, and the Bruins did put forth a great effort.  Bullet points, ho!

  • John pretty much summed up the Bruins pre-game “festivities.”  The Ice Girls were seemingly too tired out from handing out and wearing the “I Want It” shirts to help shovel the ice during TV timeouts.  And, is it just me, but isn’t wearing a low-cut shirt printed with the words, “I Want It,” an invitation to sexual assault?
  • Our seats weren’t bad, but they definitely could have been better for $85.50.  John may not have agreed with me, but I found it really difficult to make out the action and player numbers from the far goal.  When I bought the tickets, I could have sworn we were sitting in the Penguins zone for the 1st and 3rd, but oh well.  At least all the goals were scored on our end of the ice.
  • John missed it, because he was out buying me beer, but those videos explaining the safety procedures were pretty silly, in a good way.  Chara and Ward are the best actors on the team, while Thomas and Kessel could use some lessons from Uta Hagen.  Milan Lucic is being posited as the sex symbol of the team, as his clip featured him running away from masses of screaming girls (why, I’m not really sure; I can’t remember what warning this was illustrating).  Maybe that’s why he’s shied away from the fights this year?
  • How could John not have mentioned the sweet, dulcet tones of the one and only Rene Rancourt?  The perfect way to start the home opener.  No offense to the various National Guard members and 16 year-old American Idol rejects, but it’s not a Bruins home game without Mssr. Rancourt.  What other hockey team’s anthem singer has their own Wikipedia page?
  • As John and Cornelius pointed out, Mark Stuart is not officially a member of the Bruins.  Sorry, Mark.  We appreciate the time you put in on the ice, but ultimately it won’t count.  Seriously, though, WTF?  That intro did not sound pre-recorded, so the announcer couldn’t have just added in Mark Stuart at the end?
  • Aaron Ward was indeed hitting anything and everything wearing a flightless Antarctic bird on their chest.  In retaliation, Hal Gill was getting some of the Bruins, Phil Kessel, especially, in headlocks and trying to shove them to the ground, yet was not whistled at any point.  I wasn’t aware that was legal.
  • Both Crosby and Malkin did undress Dennis Wideman at several points in the game, and simply couldn’t finish.  Wides made a few key pokechecks, especially near the end of the game, but it sure looked like the Penguins were making it a point to take the forecheck to Number 6.
  • Seriously, “We Want It As Bad As You?”  Umm, shouldn’t you want it more?  Y’know, since it’s your fucking job?  I mean, I want the Bruins to win, I would love to see the Stanley Cup outside of the Hockey Hall of Fame, but I don’t get paid millions of dollars to make sure that happens.  In fact, I don’t get paid anything.  Give us money, please?
  • Not enough can be said about Tim Thomas’ opposite leg kick-save near the end of the third period.  Not many saves get me out of my seat, but that one did.  If you missed it, you will be seeing it in Bruins highlight reels for the rest of the year.
  • Every blogger and journalist pointed out that the Bruins were drawing the fewest penalties in the league.  Way to adjust, Coach.  1 out of 5 isn’t bad, but it wasn’t great, especially since that Miroslav Satan goal was scored with the PP unit on the ice.  A majority of PP time occurred during the 1st period when the Bruins were at the opposite end of where I was sitting, so I can’t give a really accurate analysis, but the Pens PK did do a good job of clearing the puck out and applying pressure on the Bruins PP.
  • John referenced it in the caption of his pic in his recap, but I noticed Crosby likes to hold his arms out and complain every time he’s touched by an opposing player.  I like Crosby, I think he’s the best player in the game, but he needs to shut the fuck up, play the game, and dominate with his skill, not his ability to put the opposing team at a disadvantage.
  • Michael Ryder is now 1-for-11 in career shootout attempts.  Time to take him out of the top 3, Claude?
  • Where was Smokey the Bear?  I could have used a ridiculously bassy “Here We Go Bruins, Here We Go.” several times last night.
  • Also, a goal horn!  About damn time.

In closing, I had a great time, and the game had everything a Bruins fan could ask for, except a win.  Let’s keep it up.  I’ll be back in a few hours to write up a preview of tonight’s tilt against the Curved Swords of Northwest Upstate New York, home of the Hot Wings.  And, as always:

-Gabe

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3 responses to “Down There, In the Garden, I Keep My Shit Hidden Like Bin Laden

  1. That’s not Krejci in the photo.. that’s Sturm.

  2. I look at the second digit only, and make my guess work from there!

    In my defense, the source named the player as Krejci, although I idly wondered why he was wearing the A.

    I’d fix it, but then you’d look silly, Christen, and it’s just not The Jumbotron’s style to make our commenters look silly.

    Please come back and comment some more!

    -Gabe

  3. Riiight.. I’D look silly..

    whatever dude, your blog your choice.

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